Thursday, July 14, 2011

Hanging onto my 20's life crisis

Yes, it is five short days I will be 29. Getting closer and closer to the dreaded 30s. My youth will be over in one year. I will start to shrivel up(aka wrinkles) gain MORE weight in my mid section...find gray hairs in my once beautiful long blonde locks...most likely I will have to cut my hair short...that seems to be the norm of 30 year olds. I might even find myself wearing the ever popular mom jeans. youth will most certainly be over.
Ok...maybe I am exaggerating a bit(just a bit) but seriously this is scary stuff people. I am already listening to country because "there is nothing else good on the radio" ***gasp*** it has begun...I am on my way to getting step closer to death. Sorry there I go again exaggerating...or am I speaking the truth?????hmmmm....

So, you can tell I am not one of those people who look forward to aging. This year is sister in law warned me she said 30 wasn't bad but for some reason 29 was. It is your last year of your 20s. I thought once I got closer to 30 I would not have that notion that 30 is old, as i did when I was 5, but folks, it IS old. Maybe, I am not so thrilled with this idea of getting older because I am not living my life as I would really want. Am I enjoying every aspect of this wonderful gift of life God has given me? Maybe that is the reason for my detest of aging.
I need to look deeper into this thinking of mine...(hold on this is going to be crazy). In the last few months we lost a few people. For some reason in my life people usually die in threes. I know they say this happens with celebrities too. Scott lost a cousin...we were not close to him..but it is still family and were saddened. We then lost a wonderful dear friend at church..Jim. Jim was a caring and helpful soul. He handed out the bulletins at church each Sunday morning and I would always wait for him to give me one..because his hugs were the BEST:). Then within a week we lost another man at our church, Ken. Ken and Jim were good friends. So, our church was faced with planning two memorials within a week of each other. Jim's memorial was great...but what was unexpected for me was Ken's Celebration of Life Memorial. I did not know Ken..I knew his wife. They were very involved in our church. The stories that were shared and Ken's memorial touched me so. Everyone loved him dearly. He had a twin brother..who shared stories about them growing up and all the trouble they got into. It was so uplifting to hear what a Godly man he was and the legacy he left behind. It is hard to lose anyone. Death is never easy. But the legacy that he left behind made me think about my own life. Family members came up and talked about things he had taught them.Not just how to fix a car or other day to day stuff...but most importantly he shared GOD. You could see that Ken had shared God's love with everyone he came in contact with. Even in his pain he praised God.
Although I did not know Ken...which I am very bummed I did not...his love for God uplifted me. I am young..despite what my crazy brain tells me. Even if I have many years left or just a few...what I need to be focused on is leaving a legacy behind that is gratifying to Christ. One that is filled with triumphs of leading others to Christ. There is a lot of inner cleansing that I need to do. I need to get over somethings. Thankfully God is patient.
God sees our earthly life as preparation for the greater joys of heaven(See Mark 8:36). No matter what earthly issues I may have with getting older or even fears I have of death..I need to work on my legacy that I will leave behind. Will your memorial be one that gives hope to others??Will it encourage and uplift family and friends??? What are you doing to live your life for the one who gave you this wonderful gift of life?
In conclusion, I am still learning to embrace my "old age" but really working through my fears and taking the time to cultivate loving relationships. I still have a long way to go...and many hurdles to jump..but God is waiting and His love alone will get me through any more of my "life crisis" moments I may have. PTL!!!