Thursday, October 17, 2013

RESPECT: In Marriage



“I, Summer, take you Scott, to be my husband, to have and behold from this day on, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; until death do us part.”
Scott and I said our traditional vows and also vows we wrote on our own. I have to be honest I rarely think about what I promised to my husband ten years ago. The Hubs would tell me "words have meaning" and he would be correct. I was only 21 when we got married, but I did know that I wanted a marriage that was built on trust and would last a life time. I still had a lot of growing up to do. It was a hard adjustment. I needed to be a grown-up. I needed to be trust worthy and I needed to respect this new man in my life. I have to say not until recently have I taken my marriage seriously. Yep, it is true. I have a very laid back personality. I am pretty sure I should have been Hawaiian. I have a very passive thought process. I don't think much about what I do. In some areas of my life that works, but with relationships that does not work...at all.

I began to not talk about my feelings..because it would just cause trouble and who wants to cause any conflict. I held everything in. This caused me to lie about my feelings and compromise or let certain things go that in reality bothered me. Compromise is good in a relationship, but not sharing your feelings for a long period of time causes some resentment. I have a husband who is always open with me and wants me to be open. He encourages me to talk to him. There was nothing he was doing that was making me hold back. It was my own insecurities and fears.

So, what does this have to do about respect? I was not being truthful about who I was. I became a very fearful person. I honestly didn't even know myself. This caused me to not want to be involved in anything outside of our home. I became depressed and lonely. The Hubs would go and do things on his own. We were living our lives as two and not one. It hurt, but it was also hurting The Hubs and that was the worst! I decided that I needed to wake up! Ten years had passed me and although I would say we had a wonderful marriage it really was mediocre. Not engaging in activities with The Hubs and living in this fear was disrespectful to my husband.

"To have and behold". Ok first of all I always thought it was "to have and to hold"??? Maybe that is another version or maybe I really do not pay attention. Words have meaning Summer! I do like the word behold though. It means to "see with attention". I think of "Behold Christ". It is not just.."hey look when you get a chance there is that Christ guy". No, it is" LOOK...right now, it is JESUS CHRIST...the SON of GOD!" I needed to "see with attention" in my marriage and I thank God for grabbing my attention. I am battling through some growing pains, but I see that The Hubs is so proud of me. He even said "It seems as though the longer we are married, the more you love me". It is true. I told him truthfully...that I am learning to love and respect myself and it is allowing me to love him and others more.

I feel all grown up now. It is so weird!!!! I still have a ways to go, but I find so much joy in respecting and loving my husband. I thank God everyday for putting The Hubs in my life. He has been patient and he loves when I open up to him. I only hope that I am what he needs as well. Marriage is such a beautiful thing when God is involved. There are ups and downs...but thanks be to God, my marriage has been filled with mostly ups:). Every husband and wife needs to be respected and loved in different ways. I challenge you to think of ways you can love on your wife today and wives think of something you can do to show respect to your husband. It could be something as saying thank you for all you do or husbands taking on a chore your wife does everyday. I am sure it will be greatly appreciated!

***As promised next up I want to write about respecting yourself. This is a hard one for me!!!